83: Justin Stenstrom – How To Have More Confidence

Gain Confidence In 5 Amazingly Simple Steps

My guest today will teach us some doable tips on how to gain confidence. I'm so excited to have Justin Stenstrom, who is the host of Elite Men Magazine podcast.  He is also slated to launch another podcast which is just as informative as it is entertaining.

Elite Men Vs. Justin Stenstrom Podcast

Stenstrom says that Elite Men focuses one topic per episode. He, along with his guest, strategize different steps on how to master that topic.

The Justin Stenstrom show is more free-flowing and relaxed. This show has a more intimate vibe and dives a little more into the backstory of the guests.

How He Became Elite Man

First of all, when Stenstrom was 17 or 18 years old,  he had severe anxiety, depression and panic attacks 3 or 4 times a week. Furthermore, he relates had no social life and dating life. Hence, he had no self-esteem at all. It was an awful time to say the least.

After having a severe panic attack, Stenstrom was even thinking of committing suicide. Yet one day, he decided to figure out these issues. Stenstrom went online and came across this self-help community.

He said lot of the techniques to gain confidence did work. And started implementing these strategies. Finally, through trial and tribulation he was able to overcome these problems.

Stenstrom said his journey to gain confidence took a few years. He resolved to help others through the Elite Men concept.

Living With A Stereotype

“I myself have lived for years under that stereotype. I kept a lot of things inside me. A lot of my issues were built over time, not expressing myself and not talking about my feelings especially dating,” Stenstrom said.

In addition to that, “I had a big problem with dating. My first career endeavor was giving advises on dating and gain confidence,” he said. “I'd meet these guys who had problems with dating.”

Stenstrom also said that when he started to share his story on the podcast, a lot of those men could relate to his past. They became stronger by realizing what was possible.

He also shared techniques to gain confidence on larger platforms like blogs and websites. Stenstrom says it's liberating to tell this side of the story. Consequently, to be a strong man and share this part of themselves.

In today's culture, men are frowned upon for having emotions and wanting to get help. In addition to that, it is perceived as being weak.

Giving Shy Guys Game

This is the first book Stenstrom wrote 5 years ago. It did pretty well with guys looking for dating advice. Then we went on to write several other e-books. The last one, “Approaching Women”, is an Amazon bestseller.

Approaching Women

Stenstrom says the book is about how to talk to women.  It is not like this pick-up thing that a lot of guys hear about. Several guidelines are given on how to have a good conversation with women and how to meet them.

The Art of Dating

I agree with Stenstrom. Most people need to date in order to find their partner. I was living in Nevada and I dated for two years before I found my husband.

Let me tell you, it was brutal. I think more men needed Stenstrom's book back then.

My husband was shy but the universe gave him the confidence to talk to me. That got the ball rolling. Plus, the shy guys are usually the really nice ones.

Growing Up Having Confidence

To gain confidence is one of life's important values. You tend to have lower stress levels.

Your body, endocrine system and digestion is optimal. The parts of your brain that are responsible for retaining memory and learning are optimized.

So people who have confidence end up becoming smarter people. But it's not something easily taught or passed down.

Arrogance VS. Confidence

“There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence. Whatever you're learning in life, there's a good and bad part,” Stenstrom said. “No matter what you're doing, there's always two sides to it. You just hope people use it for good.”

Stenstrom's Steps To Gain Confidence

Step 1 – Pretend to be great. 

1. If you use it the right way, this is incredibly powerful. Pretend to be someone who has incredible confidence.
2. Someone who doesn't have confidence has no idea what it feels like to have one. But if you pretend to be someone who does, you get all this feedback from the environment.
3. People act a certain way towards them. It's fake confidence at first. But when they see that people react better towards you, you start to get real confidence.

It totally makes sense. Just by shifting your physiology which is linked to our endocrine system and our neurology, it makes a difference. You are telling your body to shift your neuro transmitter response to be in that state of confidence.

“There is no one who is 100% unconfident in every aspect of life. Even a hard core shy guy like I was, everyone is somehow good at something,” said Stenstrom.

Step 2 – Get out of your comfort zone

1. Do things you don't normally do.
2. When you push yourself then realize you can do it, your confidence grows.

I just had a flashback. When I took a 4-hour exam to become a trainer of Neuro-Linguistic Programming 10 years ago, I aced it. It was so uplifting and really boosted my confidence.

Then after giving birth naturally, I felt like I could conquer the world. Face your fears. Put yourself in a situation that's uncomfortable and live through it.

Step 3 – Have small wins

It builds you up over time. It's a lot easier to do.

It's like lifting weights. You can't come in and carry a heavy weight right away.  You gradually work up your way to achieve that.

Step 4 – Work on self-image

1. Eat healthy.
2. Get into the best possible physical shape you can be.
3. Take supplements and dress well.

“Optimize the way you look and feel. We have natural anti-depressant hormones and chemicals in our body to make us feel good,” said Stenstrom. “Nature has given us all we need for our happiness. But a lot of people neglect that part.”

Studies show exercise increases the hormones of feeling great and decrease the stress hormones. Exercise has so many links to not only looking good but also long term feeling good.

Step 5 – Befriend bold and confident people

1. Be around confident people.
2. Pick-up what confident people are doing and saying.
3. Hang out with people who have a positive outlook.

There's something really profound about letting go of control. It allows us to enjoy the moment. When that happens, we find out we are in control of our own state.

Finally, Stenstrom challenges all of you to go out, push yourself out of your comfort zone. Do something that scared the heck out of you. You will realize it is absolutely possible.

“You can't be in control of all aspect of life. But you can be in control of the way you handle things,” Stenstrom explains.

Justin Stenstrom is a nationally-acclaimed life coach, author, entrepreneur, and speaker. He is the founder of EliteManMagazine.com and the host of the Elite Man Podcast on iTunes. Once anxious, insecure, depressed, and unhappy, Justin's overcome many of life's greatest obstacles and loves nothing more than helping others do the same!

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